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Grease Monkey seeds. Man, where do you even start with a name like that? Sounds dirty. Feels dirtier. But in the best way—like you just crawled out from under a busted muscle car, hands black with oil, lungs full of diesel and weed smoke. That’s the vibe. This strain doesn’t whisper. It growls.
It’s a cross between Gorilla Glue #4 and Cookies & Cream, which already tells you it’s not here to play nice. You get that sticky, couch-locking punch from the GG4 side, and then this weirdly sweet, almost dessert-like finish from the Cookies & Cream. Like eating a brownie in a junkyard. Or licking frosting off a wrench. I don’t know. It’s weird. But it works.
Growing it? Not for the faint of heart. These plants get tall—like, stretch-your-tent-ceiling tall. And bushy. You’ll be trimming leaves like a maniac if you don’t stay on top of it. But the payoff? Sticky, resin-dripping buds that smell like skunky vanilla gas. You crack a jar and the room changes. People notice. Dogs bark. Grandma leaves.
Indica-dominant, yeah, but don’t let that lull you into thinking it’s a bedtime strain. It’ll melt your spine, sure, but your brain? Still firing. Thoughts bouncing around like pinballs. You might write a novel. Or stare at your hand for 45 minutes. Depends on the day. Depends on the dose.
Medical folks dig it for pain, stress, insomnia—same old list. But honestly, I think it’s more of a “fuck it” strain. Like, you’ve had a week. You’re done. You want to disappear into a blanket and watch conspiracy documentaries until the sun comes up. That kind of vibe.
And the flavor—Jesus. It’s like burnt rubber and sugar cookies had a baby. Some people hate it. I love it. It’s gross and delicious and confusing. Like licking a battery that tastes like caramel. You’ll cough. You’ll smile. You’ll forget what you were talking about.
Anyway. If you’re looking for something polite, go buy some Blue Dream or whatever. Grease Monkey isn’t here to hold your hand. It’s here to drag you into the garage, hand you a blunt, and tell you to shut up and chill.